An American Mystagogue

Non-Eldritch Horror-Cultist Privilege Checklist




Please check all that apply to determine your Non-Eldritch Horror-Cultist privilege

1. You aren’t pressured to embrace the eldritch horrors
that lay beyond the veil of sanity that lay thinly stretched
across what you call the ‘real’.

2. Holiday’s celebrating your beliefs are practiced in
most major civilized areas, as opposed to ancient
primeval forests and rows of sideways singing stones.

3. Its easy to find stores that sell religious iconography
that isn’t scalding to the touch and blistering to the skin.

4. You can worship freely, without fear of malevolent discipline
raining from the sky to punish you for your insolence at
breaking ‘the silent truce’.

5. You can practice your religious customs without being
questioned, mocked, inhibited or torn asunder into seventy
seven minute pieces of flesh and gristle.

6. A bumper sticker supporting your religion won’t lead to
a chaotic flux in the probability waves that your car will
suddenly disappear entirely into an unknown dimensional vortex.


7. Politicians responsible for your shadow goverment are
probably not members of your cult.

8. You can reasonably assume that anyone you encounter will
be able to hear the basic tenants of your faith without their
ears and noses bleeding profusely.

9. You will not be penalized (socially or otherwise) for
not knowing the eight blasphemous utterances used to
ward off the dreamtime mindfrayers.

10. Your faith is accepted at your workplace, behind your
workplace, and in the alleyway behind behind your workplace
where that one thing happened we don’t talk about.

11. You are never asked to speak on behalf of all the members
of your faith in front of a secret inquisitor and their
cat-o-nine-tails and corkscrews.

12. Your child will have access to a multitude of mentors and
teachers that share a faith without having to sacrifice a
firstborn child to summon disembodied, living knowledge that is
forever undying and always just behind the surface of your thoughts
and dreams.

13. Disclosing your faith to an adoption agency will not likely
cause them to run screaming from the interview room only to
force you to hunt them down and *ahem* take care of the


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