An American Mystagogue

Freelance Doomsayer

Mar
19

end is near

 

Tired of polarized, scattered, controversial or contradicting ideological doomsaying? Tired of having to find multiple sources for YOUR doomsaying needs, and of spending time trying to figure out what to feel doomed about? For one simple payment of $0.00 I will provide you with all of your daily doomsaying needs. Provided in this advertisement are five free samples, redeem coupon for savings.

Studies have shown* that a lack of doom in an adult human has shown to lead to the following health risks-

1.) Inability to cower in fear at culturally approved of times, such as only having the ability to cower in fear due to immanent bodily harm or life changing catastrophes.

2.) A removal of apathy towards self-betterment and the betterment of their society

3.) A delusional view of the world as hopeful, malleable and unpredictable. An aversion to the reality that the world is immutable and unchanging.

4.) And Much Much More!

*”Studies”


Environmental Doom

Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom the environmeeent doooooom


Political Doom

Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomy doooooooomy doooooooomy dooooooooooooooooooom politics and war doooooom dooooom

 Existential Doom 

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM YOU ARE MORTAL DOOOOOOM THINGS ARE UNPREDICTABLE DOOOOM

Religious Doom 

Doooooom God hates you dooooooom you’re a sinner dooooom

Social Doom

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Society is crumbling Dooom DOOOOM dooooooom Social norms and ethics are degrading doooooomy doom

Have a Doomy Day!
~Seth Moris

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